Thoughts on Solstice Eve

Sitting at my desk, the smell of cinnamon raisin bread wafting out to me from my kitchen. I have a few hand-fulls of yogurt covered raisins in a dish as well as a cup of watered down oj next to me.  I'm ready to sleep, and at the same time I'm wired. There's a scene at the end of Highlander (the first and best one) where Connor says "I know Everything, I Am Everything".  I don't feel like that. Not exactly.

Sticking with the Highlander reference, I always thought the Quickening was more than just a money shot.  I always thought it was the Calm in the Storm.  Everything is moving around you, fast and furious, and in that insanity of chaos the mind is calm.  The mind is Focused.  The mind sees clearly, and certain things/thoughts/ideas crystallize.  Clearly I am not an Immortal (first off in the movies all the  Immortals are men and second it's a movie), but I can relate to where Mr. Widen was going with all of that.

2010 has been a whirlwind. Fuck that, it's been a chaotic flux.  For much of 2010 I couldn't see straight. There was too much, too overwhelming, to see much of anything. I have, however, been trying to tame the winds and I think I'm starting to see more clearly.  Tonight, especially, being in-between wired and spent, I feel like I can see.

Everyone A lot of folks have blogged about the Eclipse. I think it's awesome. I'd use a different word to describe it, but I am flitting between dragged out tired & wired, so awesome will have to do. I think tonight is a night for clarity.  I think tonight is a time to really see what's going on inside and outside of my brain.  I would love to say that I'm definitely going to stay awake to see the eclipse, but I know better.  My brain may be functioning, but my body is rebelling.  Still, I've spoken to the sky and put out some freshly made cinnamon raisin bread and cream.  You never know who's moving about on a night like tonight.

How does all of this tie together? Well, for the few of you reading, let me tell you.  Clarity.  Being able to see past the emotional baggage I keep piled around me like a wall.  That's the problem with walls, you know.  Sure, you can block things out like over-due bills and the incoming zombie hoards, but if there's no way for things to get in, then there's no way for things to get out.  Creativity, love, music, laughter, friendships.... all of that stagnates if it has no room to move.  While much of the chaotic flux around my life has been out of my control, I have to wonder how much I added to it by hiding behind my walls; hiding in the darkness.  I'm tired of being in darkness.  I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm looking forward to the return of the Sun.  I'm looking forward to celebrating the New Year, and saying goodbye to the old.  I'm looking forward to more clarity and less chaos.

Happy Yule